Hey again. Well, April has gone from okay to borderline crappy. Last night, my window fell open (long back story) in the middle of the night while I was reading a scary story. I screamed bloody murder for 3 minutes before calming down. Then, when I finally did, a song from Phantom of the Opera came on (I had my I-Pod on shuffle). Yeah. Not fun. So, now I'm loosing my voice from all the screaming and catching up with friends after break, and our choir director said we have a part test (that's where one person from each part (soprano, alto, etc.) goes up by themselves and sings their part) on Thursday, which is just about the day that my voice should go out completely. Greeeeat.
My mom decided to take these Italian classes in a town about 45 minutes away (which out here is a very, very long drive). I stupidly decided to tag along and just hang out at Borders and grab some dinner at Panara. Well, apparently something I ate there didn't really agree with my stomach. It's going to be a long night I think. Well, maybe I'll get out of school (probably not but hey, a girl can dream, right?)
Everyone at school was talking about they're ACT scores, and Ali (a girl who I'll admit I'm insanely jealous of) got a 33. How does anyone get a 33?! Ugh. In case you're wondering why I'm jealous of her, it's because she's everything I used to be. At my old school's (yes, I mean all of them) I was the smartest, or at the very least way up there; I was friends with almost everyone; and all that just came easy and natural for me. Ali is all that. She gets straight A's without trying. To top it all off, Bryan likes her, and back when I liked him, I was reeeeally jealous of her. Now, that doesn't bother me, but the other stuff still does. And she's nice. If she wasn't, I would feel less bad about feeling like this towards her, but she's so nice. She knows I'm jealous, but she still treats me so nice. Argh.
By now you're probably wondering where the decisions fit into all this. Well, tomorrow I have ballet. It will be the past day I can register. I'm at the point where I keep going back and forth on whether or not I'm going to dance next year. There's so much riding on this choice. My mother wants me to, Emma and Alyson want me to (they're the only one of my friends that know), and my two friends at dance want me to. However, it just hurts so much. I can't keep hurting myself. (That's a story for another time).
On the other hand, it's my last year. How can I quit something in the last year? Also, this year is Nutcracker year (we only do it every other year in my town). It's going to be the last year I can participate in something like that. How could I just give that up? My grandparents would be crushed. See, they've never seen me dance. Every year they plan to, but something happens and they can't. They've already decided to come see me, and it's pretty much a given for the first time. How could I take that away from them? It's not like I could just audition, because you have to dance somewhere in the town, and if I don't dance at my studio I'm not dancing. I only have a few more hours to make up my mind. God I wish I knew what to do. it feels right to quit, but even though my heart feels better I start crying. It makes sense, dancing has always made me feel better. When I'm sick, or the days when the pains in my body hurt badly, dancing helps alleviate everything. I couldn't just quit something that makes me feel better, one of the few things that can my fingers stop hurting, right?
I'm just going to sleep on it, and talk it over some more with Emma and Alyson. Maybe they can help me out. Night. <3
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