Hey everyone. i know it's been awhile, and a lot has happened, but I'll get to that later. I had a post to talk about all that, but right now I just need to vent about my dad.
See, tonight I went to see a musical a couple of my friends were in with Charlie (we're now going out), Becca, and Bryan. The play was fun, a little boring and some of the kids forgot lines and stuff, but overall alright. Well,it started at 7, and intermission was around 8ish. So I figured that the second half would be the same length. Dad was going to leave to pick me up at Charlie's place at 9, so I thought we'd be leaving at the same time, and Charlie and I would have a few minutes to spare. Turns out the second half went until 10. Yeah, it was long. So he calls me during curtain call. "I'm here" I just kinda said stupidly "You are? Oh, well, the play just ended right now. They're at curtain call..." "WHAT?! Why didn't you call me and tell me that you were running over? You knew I was leaving at 10." He kept ranting and whatnot, but I just kinda tuned him out since people were starting to walk out of the theater and I was trying to find a quieter spot. So we hang up and I walk over to my other friends (they'd walked out by now) and tell the ones in the play that they did a good job and whatnot. Eventually me and Charlie walk out to the car.
Getting into the car, I realized that unlike it being 9:30 like I thought it had been, it was actually 10. No wonder my dad was pissed, but how the hell was I supposed to know that the second half was longer than the first? Once we got to Charlie's, I get into the car and as soon as I shut the door he's on me. And he kept ranting for twenty minutes. He kept saying how irresponsible I was, and how my head is in the clouds. Then it got into how he's on call and what would he have done if there had been an emergency with one of his patients. How me being irresponsible might cost someone their life. How I'm just going to fail at college next year because I have no sense of time. I just let him rant. I've learned that that's the best bet. Because even if I tell him what I know he wants to hear, he'll just keep going.
What got me pissed though was him bringing up his patients. He says I don't care? That I don't care about them and how he might have to run off and save their life? HAH! That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. I have spent 17 years of my life thinking about them. When I was younger, the excuse why he was never at my soccer games, never took me to ballet, almost never did anything with me was he had to work, or he was tired from working. The reason we didn't go anywhere was he had to work. As I got older, the excuses just kept coming. Then once they got a divorce, the excuse that I couldn't go out with friends was my dad was on call and couldn't go far away in case their was an emergency. I missed out on so many things because of that. Still do to be honest. And of course no one could pick me up because we live a half hour out, and it's not like there's anything to do here anyways. When he picks me up from school, I'm usually there until 4 because he has to work. One time, I was there until 5. How dare he say that I don't understand? How dare he say I don't care? I still remember that just a few years ago, he was late to my ballet recital and missed my first song because he had to work. Believe me, I understand that very well. And it's not like he was completely perfect when he was my age. I've heard stories about the stuff he'd do with his friends. Stay out until 3 AM partying. I don't do that with my friends.
Then there's the other drama from tonight. During the play I got a text from Natasha. During intermission I texted her back wondering what was going on. Apparently she's been flirting with some kid in Canada, Aaron. He used to live here, but moved a few years back. When he lived here, he had a crush on Natasha and even asked her out, but she said no. Now they're talking again and she's flirting with him, even though she was a boyfriend. She was asking me if it was wrong she was flirting with him. I told her yes, then she tried to explain herself, even using four f-bombs. (Natasha never swears. Ever.) I never got a chance to text her back because then the play started again and once it was over, the parental controls on her phone kicked in. Once I got home, I sent her a message on facebook explaining what happened and just reminding her that her boyfriend is here, while Aaron is in Canada.
Why this bothers me so much is my mom cheated on my dad, my first boyfriend might have cheated on me (I know he at least asked permission to. It was weird), then that same boyfriend went on and cheated on another friend of mine. Nothing good comes from cheating. It's a vile thing and I could never forgive anyone who ever did that to me. Thankfully I know Charlie never would. How can I make her see that flirting isn't always innocent or harmless? I know Aaron won't see it that way. This isn't the first time they have problems with her flirting. That's why she's all worried. The first time really was harmless, but Aaron still got jealous. They're still dealing with that drama, and it was months ago. I love Natasha, sometimes she really seems like my little sister, or even my daughter like we kid around, but she's just so dumb sometimes. I know I have to let her make her own mistakes, but her boyfriend is really nice. I don't want to see him get hurt, and I really don't want Natasha to get hurt. I know that if her boyfriend finds out what's going on, he'll really doubt their relationship and might even leave her. That would kill Natasha, but I can't help but wonder if the reason she keeps flirting with other guys is that she wants to leave him, if only subconsciously. I just don't know.
So sorry this was a depressing post. I promise the next one won't be. I actually had started it a few days ago, but then I accidentally exited out of firefox when all I meant to do was close a tab, and then I just didn't feel like finishing it. I'll put it up soon though. Probably Tuesday.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Decisions decisions...
Hey again. Well, April has gone from okay to borderline crappy. Last night, my window fell open (long back story) in the middle of the night while I was reading a scary story. I screamed bloody murder for 3 minutes before calming down. Then, when I finally did, a song from Phantom of the Opera came on (I had my I-Pod on shuffle). Yeah. Not fun. So, now I'm loosing my voice from all the screaming and catching up with friends after break, and our choir director said we have a part test (that's where one person from each part (soprano, alto, etc.) goes up by themselves and sings their part) on Thursday, which is just about the day that my voice should go out completely. Greeeeat.
My mom decided to take these Italian classes in a town about 45 minutes away (which out here is a very, very long drive). I stupidly decided to tag along and just hang out at Borders and grab some dinner at Panara. Well, apparently something I ate there didn't really agree with my stomach. It's going to be a long night I think. Well, maybe I'll get out of school (probably not but hey, a girl can dream, right?)
Everyone at school was talking about they're ACT scores, and Ali (a girl who I'll admit I'm insanely jealous of) got a 33. How does anyone get a 33?! Ugh. In case you're wondering why I'm jealous of her, it's because she's everything I used to be. At my old school's (yes, I mean all of them) I was the smartest, or at the very least way up there; I was friends with almost everyone; and all that just came easy and natural for me. Ali is all that. She gets straight A's without trying. To top it all off, Bryan likes her, and back when I liked him, I was reeeeally jealous of her. Now, that doesn't bother me, but the other stuff still does. And she's nice. If she wasn't, I would feel less bad about feeling like this towards her, but she's so nice. She knows I'm jealous, but she still treats me so nice. Argh.
By now you're probably wondering where the decisions fit into all this. Well, tomorrow I have ballet. It will be the past day I can register. I'm at the point where I keep going back and forth on whether or not I'm going to dance next year. There's so much riding on this choice. My mother wants me to, Emma and Alyson want me to (they're the only one of my friends that know), and my two friends at dance want me to. However, it just hurts so much. I can't keep hurting myself. (That's a story for another time).
On the other hand, it's my last year. How can I quit something in the last year? Also, this year is Nutcracker year (we only do it every other year in my town). It's going to be the last year I can participate in something like that. How could I just give that up? My grandparents would be crushed. See, they've never seen me dance. Every year they plan to, but something happens and they can't. They've already decided to come see me, and it's pretty much a given for the first time. How could I take that away from them? It's not like I could just audition, because you have to dance somewhere in the town, and if I don't dance at my studio I'm not dancing. I only have a few more hours to make up my mind. God I wish I knew what to do. it feels right to quit, but even though my heart feels better I start crying. It makes sense, dancing has always made me feel better. When I'm sick, or the days when the pains in my body hurt badly, dancing helps alleviate everything. I couldn't just quit something that makes me feel better, one of the few things that can my fingers stop hurting, right?
I'm just going to sleep on it, and talk it over some more with Emma and Alyson. Maybe they can help me out. Night. <3
My mom decided to take these Italian classes in a town about 45 minutes away (which out here is a very, very long drive). I stupidly decided to tag along and just hang out at Borders and grab some dinner at Panara. Well, apparently something I ate there didn't really agree with my stomach. It's going to be a long night I think. Well, maybe I'll get out of school (probably not but hey, a girl can dream, right?)
Everyone at school was talking about they're ACT scores, and Ali (a girl who I'll admit I'm insanely jealous of) got a 33. How does anyone get a 33?! Ugh. In case you're wondering why I'm jealous of her, it's because she's everything I used to be. At my old school's (yes, I mean all of them) I was the smartest, or at the very least way up there; I was friends with almost everyone; and all that just came easy and natural for me. Ali is all that. She gets straight A's without trying. To top it all off, Bryan likes her, and back when I liked him, I was reeeeally jealous of her. Now, that doesn't bother me, but the other stuff still does. And she's nice. If she wasn't, I would feel less bad about feeling like this towards her, but she's so nice. She knows I'm jealous, but she still treats me so nice. Argh.
By now you're probably wondering where the decisions fit into all this. Well, tomorrow I have ballet. It will be the past day I can register. I'm at the point where I keep going back and forth on whether or not I'm going to dance next year. There's so much riding on this choice. My mother wants me to, Emma and Alyson want me to (they're the only one of my friends that know), and my two friends at dance want me to. However, it just hurts so much. I can't keep hurting myself. (That's a story for another time).
On the other hand, it's my last year. How can I quit something in the last year? Also, this year is Nutcracker year (we only do it every other year in my town). It's going to be the last year I can participate in something like that. How could I just give that up? My grandparents would be crushed. See, they've never seen me dance. Every year they plan to, but something happens and they can't. They've already decided to come see me, and it's pretty much a given for the first time. How could I take that away from them? It's not like I could just audition, because you have to dance somewhere in the town, and if I don't dance at my studio I'm not dancing. I only have a few more hours to make up my mind. God I wish I knew what to do. it feels right to quit, but even though my heart feels better I start crying. It makes sense, dancing has always made me feel better. When I'm sick, or the days when the pains in my body hurt badly, dancing helps alleviate everything. I couldn't just quit something that makes me feel better, one of the few things that can my fingers stop hurting, right?
I'm just going to sleep on it, and talk it over some more with Emma and Alyson. Maybe they can help me out. Night. <3
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Time Marches on
Hey again. So, March never really got better. I mean, in a sense it did, but for the most part it l sucked. My friends weren't making fun of me anymore, or at least it didn't bother me as much, but I still had to live through a week of the musical.
I already told you the story, so this is what wound up happening. I was ignored by all the tech crew, and the boy who was supposed to be helping me lift all the stuff that weighed more than I did, kept disappearing so the actors had to help me (because god forbid Kate and Catie should have to help lift things. It would ruin their popcorn eating time). By closing night though, they'd finally started talking to me again. Although, that might have more to do with the 'kiss' Joe and I had. yeah, umm, during the song "Do you Love me?", my friend Joe and I would act it out, me being Tevye and him being Golde. Well, the last night, he leaned me over and bent down like he was going to kiss me. He didn't, but it sure looked like he did. So, Kate is probably telling all her friends we did and that'll be a new rumor for the rumor mill. Oh well, I do love Joe (not romantically) so it's okay. And he did the same thing to our friend Emily later, so it's alright.
Besides being ignored however, I did have so much fun. Emily taught me the ballet, I got to hang out with Joe (something I haven't been able to do much lately), and I just got to be myself for 5 hours a night. See, I love being part of all the crazy stuff that happens, but I just can't with my best friends because they aren't a part of that world. Oh well.
Friday, we didn't have school, so Emma, Alyson, SoHee, Theresa, and I were planning on going skating, then shopping for a prom dress for Alyson and SoHee. It was just going to be the 5 of us because we really wanted tome to hang out. I haven't gotten a chance to hang out with Theresa and Alyson since 8th grade, so I was really looking forward to it. Well, SoHee invited Becca and Bryan, because she didn't realize a) it was girls only and b) Becca has a mutual disliking with Emma and Theresa. Charlie found out when the two of us walked over to where SoHee, Becca, and Bryan were talking so I felt bad not inviting Charlie, so I'm the one that invited him. Well, it was fun, but there was just so much undercurrents of drama going on, it got awkward at times. We went shopping for a prom dress for Alyson and SoHee, but Emma didn't go because Bryan instead on going. Emma has a weird thing about not going shopping with guys because it's immodest or something. All I can say is, I feel bad for her kids if she doesn't loosen up.
Skipping stuff, the next awful thing was ballet. I love dancing, but I'm not that good at it. Okay, I actually suck big time. The whole 'Spanish dancing gene' completely skipped over me. Well anyways, the new dance instructor said a bunch of weeks ago that she wants the pointe dances to be really clean next year, and that she was going to make a dance class just for people who don't want to be on pointe. Well, come registration time, she recomends where she thinks you should go. She put me in the class for non-pointe people. Advanced ballet 3 it's called. I don't know that just hurt me big time. And maybe I could deal with it since I'd be getting away from this one girl that hates me, excepts I wouldn't be. The dance instructor said that even if you're taking pointe, she wants you to take that class for extra practice. So I'd have to see that girl and know that in her head she's saying "Hah! I'm in pointe class and you're not. Why didn't you just quit?" And I should quit. I'm no good, and I always feel awful, like I'm holding the other girls back. This isn't anything new b the way, I've been thinking of quitting for a few years now. I should have quit this year when our old dance instructor said she was retiring to be with her family. But in her 'closing speech' she said she hoped we all kept dancing because we each had something to offer, but I don't. I guess you can't understand how much this decision is killing me. For 10 years, dancing has been the one thing no one could take away from me. Through the years of wanting my parents to divorce, the years of the divorce, moving, switching schools, it's always been with me. t's like I'm oosing a part of myself, but it hurts to keep dancing. I'm just going to stop here. I can't even see the screen right now...
Okay, so I've calmed down a little bit now. On to the good news. I won $100, Charlie asked me to prom, and Spring Break. We went to Washington D.C. It was pretty fun, except for the first half I kept getting left behind. I finally just completely ignored my family when we went to the zoo. I lost my stepmother's respect, my dad thinks I'm a bitch, and my stepbrother just thinks I'm moody, but I finally got the message across, so the second half was pretty nice.
Oh! And I got a 26 on the ACT, 670 on the Reading SAT, 510 on the Math SAT, and a 600 on the Writing SAT. I'm floored on the reading. I mean, I know I'm good at reading, but I'm in the 92nd percentile in the nation!! I only had 9 wrong apparently. I'm disappointed with myself for the math. I'm int he 48th percentile nationally, and the 19th for my state. Ouch. I'm awful at math, and I just proved it. I mean, average isn't bad, but I don't know. And I'm okay with writting. I could have done so much better on the essay. I got an 8 out of 12. Instead of 5 paragraphs, I only had 4. That's not really a good thing. But, I'm in the 81st percentile nationally, so I guess I should stop complaining, especially since English isn't my first language, Spanish is.
I guess that wraps up March. Thank god that awful month is over with. Not much going on with April so far, but I'll keep you updated. It's going to be eventful. Recital, State Choir Festival, and Prom to end the month off (Litterally. It's the 30th this year). Adios!
P.S. If anyone knows how to do the upside-down exclamation mark, let me know. I've been trying to figure it out for years, and I have no clue. Same with accent marks and tilde's.
I already told you the story, so this is what wound up happening. I was ignored by all the tech crew, and the boy who was supposed to be helping me lift all the stuff that weighed more than I did, kept disappearing so the actors had to help me (because god forbid Kate and Catie should have to help lift things. It would ruin their popcorn eating time). By closing night though, they'd finally started talking to me again. Although, that might have more to do with the 'kiss' Joe and I had. yeah, umm, during the song "Do you Love me?", my friend Joe and I would act it out, me being Tevye and him being Golde. Well, the last night, he leaned me over and bent down like he was going to kiss me. He didn't, but it sure looked like he did. So, Kate is probably telling all her friends we did and that'll be a new rumor for the rumor mill. Oh well, I do love Joe (not romantically) so it's okay. And he did the same thing to our friend Emily later, so it's alright.
Besides being ignored however, I did have so much fun. Emily taught me the ballet, I got to hang out with Joe (something I haven't been able to do much lately), and I just got to be myself for 5 hours a night. See, I love being part of all the crazy stuff that happens, but I just can't with my best friends because they aren't a part of that world. Oh well.
Friday, we didn't have school, so Emma, Alyson, SoHee, Theresa, and I were planning on going skating, then shopping for a prom dress for Alyson and SoHee. It was just going to be the 5 of us because we really wanted tome to hang out. I haven't gotten a chance to hang out with Theresa and Alyson since 8th grade, so I was really looking forward to it. Well, SoHee invited Becca and Bryan, because she didn't realize a) it was girls only and b) Becca has a mutual disliking with Emma and Theresa. Charlie found out when the two of us walked over to where SoHee, Becca, and Bryan were talking so I felt bad not inviting Charlie, so I'm the one that invited him. Well, it was fun, but there was just so much undercurrents of drama going on, it got awkward at times. We went shopping for a prom dress for Alyson and SoHee, but Emma didn't go because Bryan instead on going. Emma has a weird thing about not going shopping with guys because it's immodest or something. All I can say is, I feel bad for her kids if she doesn't loosen up.
Skipping stuff, the next awful thing was ballet. I love dancing, but I'm not that good at it. Okay, I actually suck big time. The whole 'Spanish dancing gene' completely skipped over me. Well anyways, the new dance instructor said a bunch of weeks ago that she wants the pointe dances to be really clean next year, and that she was going to make a dance class just for people who don't want to be on pointe. Well, come registration time, she recomends where she thinks you should go. She put me in the class for non-pointe people. Advanced ballet 3 it's called. I don't know that just hurt me big time. And maybe I could deal with it since I'd be getting away from this one girl that hates me, excepts I wouldn't be. The dance instructor said that even if you're taking pointe, she wants you to take that class for extra practice. So I'd have to see that girl and know that in her head she's saying "Hah! I'm in pointe class and you're not. Why didn't you just quit?" And I should quit. I'm no good, and I always feel awful, like I'm holding the other girls back. This isn't anything new b the way, I've been thinking of quitting for a few years now. I should have quit this year when our old dance instructor said she was retiring to be with her family. But in her 'closing speech' she said she hoped we all kept dancing because we each had something to offer, but I don't. I guess you can't understand how much this decision is killing me. For 10 years, dancing has been the one thing no one could take away from me. Through the years of wanting my parents to divorce, the years of the divorce, moving, switching schools, it's always been with me. t's like I'm oosing a part of myself, but it hurts to keep dancing. I'm just going to stop here. I can't even see the screen right now...
Okay, so I've calmed down a little bit now. On to the good news. I won $100, Charlie asked me to prom, and Spring Break. We went to Washington D.C. It was pretty fun, except for the first half I kept getting left behind. I finally just completely ignored my family when we went to the zoo. I lost my stepmother's respect, my dad thinks I'm a bitch, and my stepbrother just thinks I'm moody, but I finally got the message across, so the second half was pretty nice.
Oh! And I got a 26 on the ACT, 670 on the Reading SAT, 510 on the Math SAT, and a 600 on the Writing SAT. I'm floored on the reading. I mean, I know I'm good at reading, but I'm in the 92nd percentile in the nation!! I only had 9 wrong apparently. I'm disappointed with myself for the math. I'm int he 48th percentile nationally, and the 19th for my state. Ouch. I'm awful at math, and I just proved it. I mean, average isn't bad, but I don't know. And I'm okay with writting. I could have done so much better on the essay. I got an 8 out of 12. Instead of 5 paragraphs, I only had 4. That's not really a good thing. But, I'm in the 81st percentile nationally, so I guess I should stop complaining, especially since English isn't my first language, Spanish is.
I guess that wraps up March. Thank god that awful month is over with. Not much going on with April so far, but I'll keep you updated. It's going to be eventful. Recital, State Choir Festival, and Prom to end the month off (Litterally. It's the 30th this year). Adios!
P.S. If anyone knows how to do the upside-down exclamation mark, let me know. I've been trying to figure it out for years, and I have no clue. Same with accent marks and tilde's.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Gloomy March
So has anyone else had a really crappy time lately? This past week has been awful, and the next two weeks aren't looking up either. See, for the past week (and actually before. More like the past year or two) my friends (specifically my immature 14 year old friend) has been picking on me on this guy. Okay, remember the best friend/crush guy? Well, I've finally gotten over him (It helps that the sluts of the sophomore class are always around him and I just got tired of it, plus the drama with my best friend of her going to prom with him) and today I just got sick of it. I've told her over and over again to knock it off, then her boyfriend when he started, and they didn't. So then today, the school's gay guy who's in denial and is thinking of asking me to prom started talking to me. I don't mind him, but he is kinda annoying. So 14 year old friend comes along while I'm talking to him and just starts to drag me away saying "She's mine!" So then gay guy goes "No, she's mine" while 14 year old lets me go. Then, my best friend walks over and puts his arm around m and says "no she's mine" 14 year old and her bf went "awww" so I got kinda upset and told them that no, I don't like him like that and just walked off to the only place I could think of going: the bio room. That's been our hang out since last year before school.
So most of them follow me in, 14 year old and her bf go to walk around school. There were about 6 of us just hanging out and talking, when gay comes in and starts talking to me again. He asked if the school had gotten the new light board yet, and I said no and started ranting about how it's a complete and total fire hazard since it sparks if you put it on a certain level, and each year that level gets lower and lower (which makes the stage darker and darker). Somehow we got into talking about if I caught on fire and my brilliant best friend says "Do you have any idea how many views that would get on youtube?" Everyone laughed and agreed so then I asked "You guys wouldn't really laugh and videotape it,would you?" My best friend said yes, then quickly added he'd be sad though. So there you have it, my friends wouldn't care if I caught on fire. And before anyone says it was just them, it wasn't. I asked some other people throughout the day. Only one person didn't think it would be funny. Another said it would depend how I caught on fire.
So then at lunch, I'm still in a crappy mood because it hasn't been the best day in the world to say the least. So I'm just sitting there eating lunch and then 14 year old friend jumps in again since I'm sitting across from my best friend. Best friend goes "No, she's with *enter name of other guy in immediate group of friends*" Then another guy friend jumps in agreeing with best friend, and by this point I had had it. I got up, told everyone they should mind their own business (at which point the crust of my pizza fell off the plate ruining my exit), threw it away and stalked back to the table to get my bag. Other guy friend asked if I was okay and I just snped "No!" and stormed off to, well, I was just leaving at that point. I wound up sitting with another girl friend of mine and 14 year old and helping her study for math.
I guess I should pause here and explain that last part. 14 year old girl...okay fine, we're going to call her Natasha because this is just getting annoying, and I take Spanish, and the friend I'm with now (Let's cal her Sasha shall we?). Sasha's a freshman in Spanish 2 (she's absolutely brilliant), so I wind up helping her a lot since there is some stuff she missed since she tested out of Spanish 1. I absolutely adore her. She calls me her "Spanish speaking friend" and was actually the first non-family person I said 'I love you' to without feeling awkward about it. I hang out with her and Natasha a lot, so I figured I should explain them.
Anyways, I felt a little bad about leaving them because of another boy (umm Allen) because he's, well I'm not sure what he is. I think he's autistic, but only mildly. I mean, he does rock back and forth, but he can talk to people. But he's one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and as Sasha says "You just want to run over and give him a huge hug every time you see him, but you can't so you just hug yourself" She's only slightly kidding about the last part. But he never said anything about it, so I don't know if he even noticed. I still feel bad about it though, even though it's been a week now (yeah, I've kinda been working on this post for a week. Bear with me though, I promise I'll wrap this up quick).
Long story short, I made up with other guy friend who's promised not to make jokes about me and *enter other guy from immediate group of friend name here*, Natasha, and Natasha's boyfriend. Best freind however has decided to take the road where nothing happened. Idiot. Overall though, the week did suck. I was going to go see Alice in Wonderland, but because of my brat of a brother couldn't. He threw a fit on being left behind since he doesn't want to see it and he had practice for some sport. Then Saturday, I went prom dress shopping with my best friend (How about she's Becca). I saw this beautiful dress that I absolutely loved, but it was almost $200, there was a stain, part of the bead work looked like it was about to fall off, and part of the bodice thing had gotten un-sown and it kept poking me in the ribs and it actually left a mark. So no prom dress for me.
Then today (skipping Sunday and Monday) we took the ACT. I think I did okay, but I'm really not sure. We got to leave early so Becca, Bryan (best friend/former crush), and Charlie (*enter name here guy*) went to Subway. Twas fun. I think I'm falling for Charlie, but I just don't know. It's all very confusing. Then I go to dance and we learn this new part. For some reason, I just couldn't get my head around the weaving pattern. Well, I finally did, and then there wasn't enough space between the two girls I had to go between. The teacher mentions I mess up (again) and I said that. The other girls said I'd imagined it, and basically the teacher got fed up and just changed it. So then some of the girls got mad at me (not that that's anything new. I'm not part of their 'clique') but I don't know, it just sort of stuck to me today.
I tried explaining all that to dad, but he just doesn't get why I'm so upset. I always forget to never explain anything to him if it involves other teenage girls. He just doesn't get it. Then again, if I don't explain to him why I'm in a bad mood, he gets mad that I'm not telling him. Lose-lose situation if you ask me. Anyways, so then I get home and get almost completely ignored at dinner. Again, this isn't anything new but today it just bugged me since I got ignored this afternoon to. Really, the only attention I've gotten from my family today is getting yelled at this morning and tonight, my brother picking on me and stealing my stuff, and...that's it.
Then just now I get a call from Paige. Paige is the head tech crew person for the school's plays and musicals. I've been doing the lights (And I mean stage lights. The ones that you really need. Not the spotlights) for two years now. During last year's musical, I had to cancel last minute because my great-grandfather was hospitalized and we didn't think he'd make it through the night. i honestly thought that in flying to Puerto Rico, I was just flying to his funeral. Thankfully he made it, but I obviously didn't do the show. This year, I was going to audition because I absolutely love Fiddler on the Roof, and there's a ballet scene. Some people even said I'd probably get (one of) the lead(s) as Hava since she does ballet. Well, I finally get the guts to audition, but then I can't go because my stepmom was diagnosed with cancer. (She's fine now, don't worry). So I was just going to do the lights. Well, yesterday I was supposed to go to cue call, but I completely forgot since I was so worried about the ACT's today. Like I said Paige called and to make a long story short, the director/my choir teacher is pissed at me so I'm not doing the lights. Again. Great. So now she gets to sulk over it, then completely bitch me out in front of the entire choir. What makes it worse is the girl who did get Hava is in the choir, and good lord that girl hates me because she knows she wouldn't be Hava if I'd auditioned. She doesn't even like Fiddler on the Roof! She absolutely hates it. UGH!!!! So yeah. March sucks.
On a happy note since I really need some right now, It's been in the 50's all week, and should stay like that. The snow's melting and spring just might be on the way. Also, if you haven't, read Questionable Content. It is absolutely funny. There are some mature jokes, so yeah. Talk to you later. I'm sure I'll need to vent later (actually, I know there's more stuff I could vent about, but this is way to long as it is.) <3
So most of them follow me in, 14 year old and her bf go to walk around school. There were about 6 of us just hanging out and talking, when gay comes in and starts talking to me again. He asked if the school had gotten the new light board yet, and I said no and started ranting about how it's a complete and total fire hazard since it sparks if you put it on a certain level, and each year that level gets lower and lower (which makes the stage darker and darker). Somehow we got into talking about if I caught on fire and my brilliant best friend says "Do you have any idea how many views that would get on youtube?" Everyone laughed and agreed so then I asked "You guys wouldn't really laugh and videotape it,would you?" My best friend said yes, then quickly added he'd be sad though. So there you have it, my friends wouldn't care if I caught on fire. And before anyone says it was just them, it wasn't. I asked some other people throughout the day. Only one person didn't think it would be funny. Another said it would depend how I caught on fire.
So then at lunch, I'm still in a crappy mood because it hasn't been the best day in the world to say the least. So I'm just sitting there eating lunch and then 14 year old friend jumps in again since I'm sitting across from my best friend. Best friend goes "No, she's with *enter name of other guy in immediate group of friends*" Then another guy friend jumps in agreeing with best friend, and by this point I had had it. I got up, told everyone they should mind their own business (at which point the crust of my pizza fell off the plate ruining my exit), threw it away and stalked back to the table to get my bag. Other guy friend asked if I was okay and I just snped "No!" and stormed off to, well, I was just leaving at that point. I wound up sitting with another girl friend of mine and 14 year old and helping her study for math.
I guess I should pause here and explain that last part. 14 year old girl...okay fine, we're going to call her Natasha because this is just getting annoying, and I take Spanish, and the friend I'm with now (Let's cal her Sasha shall we?). Sasha's a freshman in Spanish 2 (she's absolutely brilliant), so I wind up helping her a lot since there is some stuff she missed since she tested out of Spanish 1. I absolutely adore her. She calls me her "Spanish speaking friend" and was actually the first non-family person I said 'I love you' to without feeling awkward about it. I hang out with her and Natasha a lot, so I figured I should explain them.
Anyways, I felt a little bad about leaving them because of another boy (umm Allen) because he's, well I'm not sure what he is. I think he's autistic, but only mildly. I mean, he does rock back and forth, but he can talk to people. But he's one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and as Sasha says "You just want to run over and give him a huge hug every time you see him, but you can't so you just hug yourself" She's only slightly kidding about the last part. But he never said anything about it, so I don't know if he even noticed. I still feel bad about it though, even though it's been a week now (yeah, I've kinda been working on this post for a week. Bear with me though, I promise I'll wrap this up quick).
Long story short, I made up with other guy friend who's promised not to make jokes about me and *enter other guy from immediate group of friend name here*, Natasha, and Natasha's boyfriend. Best freind however has decided to take the road where nothing happened. Idiot. Overall though, the week did suck. I was going to go see Alice in Wonderland, but because of my brat of a brother couldn't. He threw a fit on being left behind since he doesn't want to see it and he had practice for some sport. Then Saturday, I went prom dress shopping with my best friend (How about she's Becca). I saw this beautiful dress that I absolutely loved, but it was almost $200, there was a stain, part of the bead work looked like it was about to fall off, and part of the bodice thing had gotten un-sown and it kept poking me in the ribs and it actually left a mark. So no prom dress for me.
Then today (skipping Sunday and Monday) we took the ACT. I think I did okay, but I'm really not sure. We got to leave early so Becca, Bryan (best friend/former crush), and Charlie (*enter name here guy*) went to Subway. Twas fun. I think I'm falling for Charlie, but I just don't know. It's all very confusing. Then I go to dance and we learn this new part. For some reason, I just couldn't get my head around the weaving pattern. Well, I finally did, and then there wasn't enough space between the two girls I had to go between. The teacher mentions I mess up (again) and I said that. The other girls said I'd imagined it, and basically the teacher got fed up and just changed it. So then some of the girls got mad at me (not that that's anything new. I'm not part of their 'clique') but I don't know, it just sort of stuck to me today.
I tried explaining all that to dad, but he just doesn't get why I'm so upset. I always forget to never explain anything to him if it involves other teenage girls. He just doesn't get it. Then again, if I don't explain to him why I'm in a bad mood, he gets mad that I'm not telling him. Lose-lose situation if you ask me. Anyways, so then I get home and get almost completely ignored at dinner. Again, this isn't anything new but today it just bugged me since I got ignored this afternoon to. Really, the only attention I've gotten from my family today is getting yelled at this morning and tonight, my brother picking on me and stealing my stuff, and...that's it.
Then just now I get a call from Paige. Paige is the head tech crew person for the school's plays and musicals. I've been doing the lights (And I mean stage lights. The ones that you really need. Not the spotlights) for two years now. During last year's musical, I had to cancel last minute because my great-grandfather was hospitalized and we didn't think he'd make it through the night. i honestly thought that in flying to Puerto Rico, I was just flying to his funeral. Thankfully he made it, but I obviously didn't do the show. This year, I was going to audition because I absolutely love Fiddler on the Roof, and there's a ballet scene. Some people even said I'd probably get (one of) the lead(s) as Hava since she does ballet. Well, I finally get the guts to audition, but then I can't go because my stepmom was diagnosed with cancer. (She's fine now, don't worry). So I was just going to do the lights. Well, yesterday I was supposed to go to cue call, but I completely forgot since I was so worried about the ACT's today. Like I said Paige called and to make a long story short, the director/my choir teacher is pissed at me so I'm not doing the lights. Again. Great. So now she gets to sulk over it, then completely bitch me out in front of the entire choir. What makes it worse is the girl who did get Hava is in the choir, and good lord that girl hates me because she knows she wouldn't be Hava if I'd auditioned. She doesn't even like Fiddler on the Roof! She absolutely hates it. UGH!!!! So yeah. March sucks.
On a happy note since I really need some right now, It's been in the 50's all week, and should stay like that. The snow's melting and spring just might be on the way. Also, if you haven't, read Questionable Content. It is absolutely funny. There are some mature jokes, so yeah. Talk to you later. I'm sure I'll need to vent later (actually, I know there's more stuff I could vent about, but this is way to long as it is.) <3
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Olympics
So I'm sitting here in front of me TV watching the Figure Skating pairs Short program, and it's amazing how they make everything look so effortlessly. The lifts are held so gracefully above the ice, and the spins just seem to never end. But when they fall it's like you're falling with them. The disappointment written all over everyone's faces, it's incredible how much emotion goes into these programs. It's incredible.
But this last pair from Germany, what the hell is up with their costumes? Clowns? Really? Well, they did really well at any rate. I felt so bad for the all the couples that fell. Hopefully they do much better tomorrow, and the judges will judge fairly. Yes, I'm referring to the Canadian pair that fell but still managed to place third (although they were bumped down). We shall have to see.
Oh, and congratulations to Canada for their first gold medal on home land in the Olympics! He definitely deserved it, that was one of the best mogul thingies (I really wasn't paying much attention. Just listening for when the skating came back.) Hasta luego!
But this last pair from Germany, what the hell is up with their costumes? Clowns? Really? Well, they did really well at any rate. I felt so bad for the all the couples that fell. Hopefully they do much better tomorrow, and the judges will judge fairly. Yes, I'm referring to the Canadian pair that fell but still managed to place third (although they were bumped down). We shall have to see.
Oh, and congratulations to Canada for their first gold medal on home land in the Olympics! He definitely deserved it, that was one of the best mogul thingies (I really wasn't paying much attention. Just listening for when the skating came back.) Hasta luego!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Nightmare
I did forget one thing I wanted to talk about. And no, it's not teen drama. Yes, it's a surprise to me too.
Have any of you ever had a nightmare? I mean a really scary one where you'd jump at everything you see for days afterwords. I had one last night, and I'm not looking forward to the next few days.
So I was at this store that was a lot like a Hobby Lobby or something. I was there just shopping around with someone, who I can't remember. I want to say this random kid at school who's super tall, but really nice. Anyways, I somehow wound up at my old school's playground, except the jungle gym thing was in the field in the back rather than out front. I was just hanging around there when I wound up in the "room" in the top. There was a friend of mine (but we're not really that close, and I know her from Michigan, not Georgia, and she doesn't go to my school. We go to the same dance studio), and two random girls I'd never seen in my life who obviously didn't like us. I started talking to someone down below, and when I turned around one of the girls and my friend were fighting. The next thing I knew, my friend was being dragged off and the other girl just layed there, bleeding. I ran off, past some people from my school to the bathroom of the Hobby Lobby place, turned around, and just started talking to the kids from school who'd followed me. I don't remember what I was saying, just that I was really scared.
The scene changed and I was in the Hobby Lobby place with my crush/other best friend (yeah, that was bound to come out some time. Yes, I'm pathetic. Shut up) and for some reason he was buying these lamps/ pottery vases. In the same aisle was this tutu dress, which I got. I went to the Hobby Lobby bathroom to put it on after buying it, but it didn't fit. Then for some reason other best friend/crush was in there and we talked.
I know, doesn't sound that scary. The scary bit is in this next part. And no, I have no clue why I keep showing up in the Hobby Lobby bathroom. I haven't stepped foot in the Hobby Lobby in years, and never to the bathroom. I don't even know if they have one.
So now it's nighttime and my crush and I walk into this mansion, and there's a bunch of people there. There's a party going on. We meet up with our other friend and hang out for awhile, when all of a sudden the house starts shaking. I look over to the fireplace and I see the lamps/ pottery vases falling to the ground and shattering. I remember saying "Oh no! ___ the lamps you bought!" And turning around to talk to him, but he wasn't there. In my dream I saw his mom, but in real life she's the mother of another friend of ours, who also happens to be an English teacher at school. The house stops shaking and we all look around anxiously, when suddenly the door opens and there's this...creature standing in the doorway. I knew it was a man, or used to be, but it was completely unrecognizable as anything. It was tall, and very skinny. Think anorexic skinny, but the ribs weren't showing. It's like it was meant to be that skinny. It was very tan, kind of like a tan glow, and extremely wrinkly. Think of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but even more wrinkly. Actually, a better example is the Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera. Except instead of just one side of his face, it was his whole body. Its eyes alternated between a dark, glowing red, and pitch black. The creature was bald and naked, but where a guys parts should be, there was nothing. Which is why I'm slightly confused on how i knew it was male, but I digress. It started talking to me, and in my dream I knew who, or what it was and it frightened me a lot, like it had done something terrible to me in the past. The next thing I remember is the thing being in front of me and stroking my cheek with his fingernails, which were completely repulsive. If you've ever seen Halloweentown II, its fingernails were exactly like Gwen's (Marnie's mom) when she was the creature. After that, all I remember is everyone screaming and running away from the house, me among them. I remember looking down and seeing my shadow, and I noticed I was wearing a dress (I hadn't seen me before. The dream had beenup until now in first person view). I looked back, and the creature was right behind me. As it reached out and caught me, the scene changed to me looking on at everything, like an out-of-body experience. I was screaming and crying, but it just drew me closer and lifted my dress a little. Right before we were touching, my alarm went off and I woke up.
I was so scared when I woke up, I had to turn on all the light in the house, and since I'm the first one up, that's a sligh problem. When I went to let our dogs out, I had to close my eyes when turning on the outside lights just so I wouldn't be scared if that thing was there. I don't know where this nightmare came from. I haven't watched or read anything remotely scary in a long time. I'm a complete and total chicken. This is what happens when I do. So I don't know. I just thought maybe writing it out might help. For all I know though, it couls make it worse. We'll see.
Have a good night. Hope you don't get any nightmares!
Have any of you ever had a nightmare? I mean a really scary one where you'd jump at everything you see for days afterwords. I had one last night, and I'm not looking forward to the next few days.
So I was at this store that was a lot like a Hobby Lobby or something. I was there just shopping around with someone, who I can't remember. I want to say this random kid at school who's super tall, but really nice. Anyways, I somehow wound up at my old school's playground, except the jungle gym thing was in the field in the back rather than out front. I was just hanging around there when I wound up in the "room" in the top. There was a friend of mine (but we're not really that close, and I know her from Michigan, not Georgia, and she doesn't go to my school. We go to the same dance studio), and two random girls I'd never seen in my life who obviously didn't like us. I started talking to someone down below, and when I turned around one of the girls and my friend were fighting. The next thing I knew, my friend was being dragged off and the other girl just layed there, bleeding. I ran off, past some people from my school to the bathroom of the Hobby Lobby place, turned around, and just started talking to the kids from school who'd followed me. I don't remember what I was saying, just that I was really scared.
The scene changed and I was in the Hobby Lobby place with my crush/other best friend (yeah, that was bound to come out some time. Yes, I'm pathetic. Shut up) and for some reason he was buying these lamps/ pottery vases. In the same aisle was this tutu dress, which I got. I went to the Hobby Lobby bathroom to put it on after buying it, but it didn't fit. Then for some reason other best friend/crush was in there and we talked.
I know, doesn't sound that scary. The scary bit is in this next part. And no, I have no clue why I keep showing up in the Hobby Lobby bathroom. I haven't stepped foot in the Hobby Lobby in years, and never to the bathroom. I don't even know if they have one.
So now it's nighttime and my crush and I walk into this mansion, and there's a bunch of people there. There's a party going on. We meet up with our other friend and hang out for awhile, when all of a sudden the house starts shaking. I look over to the fireplace and I see the lamps/ pottery vases falling to the ground and shattering. I remember saying "Oh no! ___ the lamps you bought!" And turning around to talk to him, but he wasn't there. In my dream I saw his mom, but in real life she's the mother of another friend of ours, who also happens to be an English teacher at school. The house stops shaking and we all look around anxiously, when suddenly the door opens and there's this...creature standing in the doorway. I knew it was a man, or used to be, but it was completely unrecognizable as anything. It was tall, and very skinny. Think anorexic skinny, but the ribs weren't showing. It's like it was meant to be that skinny. It was very tan, kind of like a tan glow, and extremely wrinkly. Think of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but even more wrinkly. Actually, a better example is the Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera. Except instead of just one side of his face, it was his whole body. Its eyes alternated between a dark, glowing red, and pitch black. The creature was bald and naked, but where a guys parts should be, there was nothing. Which is why I'm slightly confused on how i knew it was male, but I digress. It started talking to me, and in my dream I knew who, or what it was and it frightened me a lot, like it had done something terrible to me in the past. The next thing I remember is the thing being in front of me and stroking my cheek with his fingernails, which were completely repulsive. If you've ever seen Halloweentown II, its fingernails were exactly like Gwen's (Marnie's mom) when she was the creature. After that, all I remember is everyone screaming and running away from the house, me among them. I remember looking down and seeing my shadow, and I noticed I was wearing a dress (I hadn't seen me before. The dream had beenup until now in first person view). I looked back, and the creature was right behind me. As it reached out and caught me, the scene changed to me looking on at everything, like an out-of-body experience. I was screaming and crying, but it just drew me closer and lifted my dress a little. Right before we were touching, my alarm went off and I woke up.
I was so scared when I woke up, I had to turn on all the light in the house, and since I'm the first one up, that's a sligh problem. When I went to let our dogs out, I had to close my eyes when turning on the outside lights just so I wouldn't be scared if that thing was there. I don't know where this nightmare came from. I haven't watched or read anything remotely scary in a long time. I'm a complete and total chicken. This is what happens when I do. So I don't know. I just thought maybe writing it out might help. For all I know though, it couls make it worse. We'll see.
Have a good night. Hope you don't get any nightmares!
Finally, a post that's not an introduction/background! (mostly)
Hm, well things have been fairly normal. Step-brother driving me insane, step-sister not talking to me, both of them being brats, best friend driving me crazy, and ex-best friend saving me me from the annoying kid. The only non-normal thing is other best friend is back (he was gone pretty much all last week).
So my best friend and I were going to see Twilight at midnight (she's forcing me to go. The only reason I'm letting her is to see Taylor Launter...and my crush. Hey! I don't get a lot of chances to see him! There's always tons of people around, and the last time I had anything remotely close to talking to him alone is last all of five minutes. Yippie), but her mom forgot to get tickets. So then we were going to go see it Friday during the day, but then the theater opened another screen, so we are going at midnight again. I'm kinda exited, and kinda nervous. I mean, I'll be with my crush at a movie. Sure, I'm probably not gong to wind up sitting next to him because I know that my best friend will make sure of that (I'll get to that in a moment), but still. I have a shot, don't I? I'll take anything I can get.
So to explain that, my best friend is, well, I'm not sure what her problem is. I think she's jealous, but I don't really know. See, she likes two guys, and neither of them like her back. One has a girlfriend he's been going out with for two, three years now. The other she barely ever talks too. Me? I've had two boyfriends, and one I didn't even really like (I promise I'll explain that one later. There were a lot of reasons that happened). Another guess is she likes him too. The proof? She said yes when he asked her to prom out of pity, then later said if I'd done the same thing she would hate me. And yes, she knew it was out of pity. Long story, which I'll explain later, especially when prom's closer. And then last year at lunch, we'd all sit on a wall and my crush usually sat next to me. She'd go and sit right between us, making both of us scooch apart, which made everyone else scooch (we were in the middle). The thing that messes up that theory is that she's always done this; me not sitting next to crush/bf. With my first boyfriend, she'd always sit between us, both when we were just crushes and dating. She'd never leave us alone, and honestly, she was probably one of the reasons that he started getting sick of me. (But then he was a jerk so I don't really care about that). What gets me upset is I always do the opposite whenever she's around her crushes. I always find an excuse to leave so they can talk. Well, not always with the guy who has a girlfriend. We're friends too, so it'd look weird if I did.
I'm sure you're wondering why I don't just ask her. If you are you should know this. I have. I asked her if she liked him, and she said no. So I don't know what is up with her. Needless to say, we're not really best friends anymore. I mean we are, but we're not. Things are almost strained. So not really looking forward to spending the night at her house. Oh well. Maybe that's what we need. Just some time with just the two of us so we can talk. Well, her little sister will be there and I'm friends with her, and so will one of lil sis' friends who I'm friends with too, but still.
Something else that's been bugging me is another friend of ours. She's a lot younger. And by a lot, I mean a lot. She's 14, and we're all 16. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it is. She's a lot less mature than us, and it's really showing, especially this year. She's a sophomore, and I just feel bad for her. I mean, she should be in 8th grade, at the most 9th. Not 10th. So at the end of last year I let her hang out with us because she had no one else. (She hung out with her aunt, but she was a senior so she left a month early. Yes, her aunt is only four years older than her. Welcome to the town). The problem is, now she's kind of annoying. She doesn't get all when to just let something go, and she's just not mature. I don't know what to do.
So to continue my little venting post, I want to know why everyone's obsessed with Justin Beiber. I mean, I get if say an 8 year old or a 12 year old had a crush on him, but a 16 year old? That's just weird. Yes, I know he's 15, but he looks like he's 12. It's just so weid hearing the girls go on and on about how cute he is. I don't know, maybe it's just me.
So yup. Hope you're all doing fine. If I don't blog before then, have a Happy Whatever You're Celebrating/A Good Day If You Don't Celebrate Anything!
So my best friend and I were going to see Twilight at midnight (she's forcing me to go. The only reason I'm letting her is to see Taylor Launter...and my crush. Hey! I don't get a lot of chances to see him! There's always tons of people around, and the last time I had anything remotely close to talking to him alone is last all of five minutes. Yippie), but her mom forgot to get tickets. So then we were going to go see it Friday during the day, but then the theater opened another screen, so we are going at midnight again. I'm kinda exited, and kinda nervous. I mean, I'll be with my crush at a movie. Sure, I'm probably not gong to wind up sitting next to him because I know that my best friend will make sure of that (I'll get to that in a moment), but still. I have a shot, don't I? I'll take anything I can get.
So to explain that, my best friend is, well, I'm not sure what her problem is. I think she's jealous, but I don't really know. See, she likes two guys, and neither of them like her back. One has a girlfriend he's been going out with for two, three years now. The other she barely ever talks too. Me? I've had two boyfriends, and one I didn't even really like (I promise I'll explain that one later. There were a lot of reasons that happened). Another guess is she likes him too. The proof? She said yes when he asked her to prom out of pity, then later said if I'd done the same thing she would hate me. And yes, she knew it was out of pity. Long story, which I'll explain later, especially when prom's closer. And then last year at lunch, we'd all sit on a wall and my crush usually sat next to me. She'd go and sit right between us, making both of us scooch apart, which made everyone else scooch (we were in the middle). The thing that messes up that theory is that she's always done this; me not sitting next to crush/bf. With my first boyfriend, she'd always sit between us, both when we were just crushes and dating. She'd never leave us alone, and honestly, she was probably one of the reasons that he started getting sick of me. (But then he was a jerk so I don't really care about that). What gets me upset is I always do the opposite whenever she's around her crushes. I always find an excuse to leave so they can talk. Well, not always with the guy who has a girlfriend. We're friends too, so it'd look weird if I did.
I'm sure you're wondering why I don't just ask her. If you are you should know this. I have. I asked her if she liked him, and she said no. So I don't know what is up with her. Needless to say, we're not really best friends anymore. I mean we are, but we're not. Things are almost strained. So not really looking forward to spending the night at her house. Oh well. Maybe that's what we need. Just some time with just the two of us so we can talk. Well, her little sister will be there and I'm friends with her, and so will one of lil sis' friends who I'm friends with too, but still.
Something else that's been bugging me is another friend of ours. She's a lot younger. And by a lot, I mean a lot. She's 14, and we're all 16. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it is. She's a lot less mature than us, and it's really showing, especially this year. She's a sophomore, and I just feel bad for her. I mean, she should be in 8th grade, at the most 9th. Not 10th. So at the end of last year I let her hang out with us because she had no one else. (She hung out with her aunt, but she was a senior so she left a month early. Yes, her aunt is only four years older than her. Welcome to the town). The problem is, now she's kind of annoying. She doesn't get all when to just let something go, and she's just not mature. I don't know what to do.
So to continue my little venting post, I want to know why everyone's obsessed with Justin Beiber. I mean, I get if say an 8 year old or a 12 year old had a crush on him, but a 16 year old? That's just weird. Yes, I know he's 15, but he looks like he's 12. It's just so weid hearing the girls go on and on about how cute he is. I don't know, maybe it's just me.
So yup. Hope you're all doing fine. If I don't blog before then, have a Happy Whatever You're Celebrating/A Good Day If You Don't Celebrate Anything!
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